One big difference

between Italian men and American men...

I went to an apperativo last Tuesday with my Canadian friend, Nicole. Nicole brought her boss, Lorenzo. Long story short - Lorenzo is engaged to Carmen and they have a 1-year old boy together. Lorenzo is interested in Nicole.

At some point in the night, Lorenzo asked Nicole what I thought of him. She said, "Jamie thinks you are trouble." He says, "Jamie, you think I trouble?" I say, "Si."

Right about this time Lorenzo's friend, Paulo, shows up... late 30's/ early 40's - married with 3 children - speaks almost zero English... but just enough to say to Nicole and I (after being there for 10 minutes), "I you to know, you most beautiful in world. Me very happy you here to be share tonight." He continued this theme for another 10 minutes. I responded with, "Where are your wife and kids tonight?"

Another hour passes and I end up standing outside with Lorenzo have a discussion about his feelings towards Nicole. Here's the gist of the conversation:

"Lorenzo"
"Jamie"

Jamie, just listen, people change.

I know.

I'm not trouble, its just that Carmen changed after she had our son.

Right, which is totally normal.

Yeah, but I did not. I still like to drive fast. I still like to go out late at night. I still like to drink and smoke.

And you like to pursue other women.

Well, not all women. Nicole is different to me. Nicole makes me feel lots of energy. I love being around her.

Right, well if what you say is true and its Nicole that you want, then you need to go home and tell your fiance that you shouldn't marry anyone because you want to be with other women.

No, Jamie, why would I ruin my family if I don't know if there is chemistry with me and Nicole? I need to kiss Nicole and have sex with Nicole before I would ruin my family. Why would I tell Carmen this?

Because otherwise you are CHEATING ON HER!!
Wow, you really chose the wrong person to talk to about this, Lorenzo.

No, Jamie, what do you mean? Ok, but what if Nicole and I don't have sparks? I tell Carmen and hurt her for nothing? That doesn't make any sense.

You tell Carmen because that is the right thing to do. You would want her to tell you, right?

[Blank stare]

Lorenzo, the truth will come out eventually. You want the best of both worlds. If you respect Carmen at all you would tell her that you don't want to marry her. You're wrong. Stop being selfish remember that your actions do affect others.

But Jamie, come on, people change.

You keep saying that as if it is going to change my opinion. Lorenzo, let me put it this way. If you can treat Carmen this way, then there is no reason why she can't do the same. Are you OK with Carmen kissing and sleeping with other men just to see if she likes them more than you?

Well, Jamie, I can't say anything to that.

Really? Why not?

Jamie, ok, I see your point, but c'mon.

C'mon what, Lorenzo? You're a grown man and I shouldn't have to explain this to you. You're wrong and you know it. I'm going back inside now.

I walked back into the bar and told Nicole I was heading home. Lorenzo thanked me for the "talk". If looks could talk my look said, "Are you freak'in kidding me?" Thats 25 minutes of my life I'll never get back. If it wasn't for the 2 tasty mohitto's I had, the night would have been a complete waste.

I walked home in disbelief.

As you may - or may not - know, having a mistress is very popular in Italy. Part of this is due to the fact that getting a divorce in Italy is much, much more complicated than in the US and takes a minimum of 3 years to finalize. So many couples agree to split (while, by law, staying married) and having relationships with other people. They stay married to avoid the legal battle while continuing to benefit from the tax breaks...

But then you have the Berlusconi's of the world (Prime Minister of Italy) who believe having more than one women is their right and women should be so lucky. Anytime a duomo statue souvenir (or anything with sharp edges) is thrown at the face of men like this, you have my respect.

http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2009/12/13/berlusconi-attacked.html

My boss once asked me, "If you were Tiger Wood's wife, would you forgive him?" I looked at him and said, "Would you forgive your wife?" He responded, "Right, so No then." I said, "No, I wouldn't."

So at the end of the day I can say with confidence that American men are more evolved than Italian men in this regard. American men know better than to try and convince a women that cheating on his family/girlfriend/fiance is OK... regardless of what they really feel on the subject. Its important that I acknowledge that there are shameful women who act the same way - and I feel just as strongly about them...

What does that mean for me? That the probability of me marrying an Italian man is extremely low .... especially considering the fact that Italian men usually come with a controlling mother and a very high opinion of themselves (particularly over women). No grazie!

I don't think Italy has enjoyed the company of many women like me.

I'll close by acknowledging that there are some great men and women out there who know what it means to honor and love someone through the good and the bad. I thank each of you (and you know who you are) for giving me the hope and frankly, proof, that this type of love exists. .

<3 Jme